October 23, 2003

Movable Type...here I come... 

Alright...stand by for an announcement....I am now at www.straightwhiteguy.com

Thanks to a HUGE amount of help from The King of Fools, I am now up and running...well, walking...dangit...crawling..on a new MT installation...so, wish me luck...anyway, I know the site sucks right now, but bear with me...

...after all..this IS a growing experience....HA!

Give this Gentleman his Medal 

I've seen Russian "trawlers" in international waters before...yeah, right...fishing boats, my ass....hunks of junk with more electronic spook equipment than you could shake a stick at...we had our own ELINT ships...USNS Observation Island, for instance....but, at least we didn't try to disguise them as civilian ships....anyway, THIS GUY got his eyes damaged by the ENEMY, as far as I'm concerned...now give him his Purple Heart....

"Lt. Cmdr. Daly, who has since retired, was injured while photographing the Russian merchant ship Kapitan Mann, which was gathering intelligence on a U.S. nuclear submarine in the Strait of Juan de Fuca, northwest of Washington state's Puget Sound, on April 4, 1997.

After several passes aboard a Canadian military helicopter, the intelligence officer and the pilot, Canadian Capt. Pat Barnes, suffered injuries to their eyes that doctors found were consistent with laser illumination. The Russian military has used lasers to thwart surveillance in the past. "

Another version of THIS STORY is here....

This just in... 

Italy funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis was wider than its shaft. The study took two years and cost over 180,000 Euros. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis was wider was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct its own study on the same subject. The French were convinced that the results of the Italian study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in excess of 250,000.000 Euros. the French concluded that the head of a man's penis was wider than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the French study were released,
England decided to conduct its own penis study. The English didn't really trust the Italian or French studies.After nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of approximately thirty-six pounds, the English study reached the conclusion that the reason the head on a man's penis was wider than its shaft was to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

Note to Hunters 

.....hunting season is upon us....I've never liked fishing, but I do enjoy hunting....this link here should be viewed by EVERY fisherman...and hunter...that visit my site....

...you'll never look at fishing the same way again....I promise...heh...

PETA won't like it very much...and if you did THIS, Dax, you would'nt need that muzzleloader....

My Wife is a Nut 

OK...she just CC'd me on an e-mail she sent to her folks back in Scotland....I think it is hilarious....I think it looks like she is making the adjustment from Scotland to Tennessee VERY well...hehehehe.....let me give you a little background...A couple of months ago, she had to take a "Written English Test" for her job.. .now.. .English IS her first language...as a matter of fact, it is her ONLY language..but, because she earned her degree overseas, she has to play by the rules and take these dang tests...so, LAST week, she took her "Written English Test"....of course, she aced both tests...but, here is what she sent to her folks...

"Deear Mom n Pop
Ah did reel goode oan mah eengliz eagzam.Ah wel tell y'all ahboot et oan oar nxt telephonication conversationne.

Wer boath well,Hop y'all ar two. We are goan up to Gatlinburg again thiz weekend and will be innncommune-icado from Friday until Sunday nite, stayin at a reel nice shalley so eric telz me. Verry sory weel not be abel to tok. We will hav much to tolk abou6t the necks wikend.

eric luvvd hiz prezintz we had much lAFFIN ovir th book picshers an ah thoat th big simmit wiz reel classey.

Meen wile, eric iz havvin appoplexi ovir the scoatlind/americy rugbi scoare but woant tel me wy!! (cood it bee that scoatlind WUNNE??? ah huv to weight til tomoro til its' oan oor teevee to fin oot- heez no tellin me nuthin.

luv te ye boath
fionarr xxxxxx"

Bad Joke of the Day 

On the day of their 50th wedding anniversary, the reminiscing wife finds the negligee she wore on her wedding night and puts it on.

She goes to her husband and says, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looks up from his newspaper and says, "Yes dear, you wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asks.

He's not much in the mood for this, but he sighs and responds, "Well, honey, as I remember, I said, Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."

She giggles and says, "Yes dear, that's it. That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"

He looked her up and down, and replied, "Mission accomplished."

October 22, 2003

Ode to FrankJ 

Everyone, I'm SURE, knows about FrankJ's great hatred of Monkeys....so, with him in mind, I am posting this little monkey story...I have no idea where it came from, but I've had it in my inbox for ages...so, being that I'm in a sharing mood...here you go...

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys. I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad. I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I'd hand them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys.

Drinkin' for a Good Cause 

Looks like Geoffrey is in for a pretty good weekend...He's busy joining in with a bunch of rebel-rousers who are planning a pub crawl for charity....now THERE is an idea...being sponsored to drink...dang..some guys have all the luck.....anyway, go on over to Dog Snot Diaries and put a few tips in the jar....after all, helping someone get toasty AND raising money for a worthy cause is a DOUBLE GOOD reason to throw some money his way...so...shooo...get on over there...

Baby Photo Time 

awww...cute, huh?....well, this is my newest cousin, Major...anyway, as promised a while back, here is the little guy in his "wee publican" bib...sorry for the photo quality, but the little guy wouldn't stay still...he kept squirming around...I guess babies do that kinda stuff...although, if I knew someone was going to post my photo on the internet, I'd probably be trying to get away too...

October 21, 2003

Magnetic Fridge Poetry.... 

I was just over at Bad Money's site.....and...an idea hit me..he posts a lot of "love notes" to his wife that he has found, written, and collected over the years...well, to be truthful, it touched me...and so, I decided I'd go and look on my fridge and see if there was any poems...sure enough, there was...

Two years ago, my wife bought me a box of magnetic words....they come in all shapes and sizes, ...for instance, sport...erotic...funny, etc....well...guess which one I got for Christmas? eh?...yep...the erotic one so...occasionaly, when we have parties, or whatever, people stand around in the kitchen while I mix them a drink...their eyes ALWAYS find their way to the poems on the fridge....so, they ask about them, and I say..."you wanna make one up?"...and I hand them the box of magnetic words...man....they sure come up with some WEIRD stuff...for instance...her is one of our visitor's poems......

that tremendous violent bottom
always grind behind me shaft
as we worship madly breast
smooth glisten moan & kiss knob
purr ask finger embrace ball
burn head pretty feather....

now, personally..that poem is just crazy...she must have been on acid or something...

anyway...here is the one that I put on the fridge....prepare yourselves...this one is a DOOZY...ha..

hands only
lip tremble
feel it perfect
sweat for him
slick juice
every slide
ass must be in air
beg to come
pant through waves
rock nude
to the top of joy..

..dang.."rock nude to the top of joy" must be the best line I've ever written....whew..sorry folks..there goes the tone of this blog..once again...

Sorry..it's that time again... 

Yip, it is Robert Service time!! WHOOO HOO......uh huh...whatever, I know how excited you all are...anyway, here is another little tidbit that I've always enjoyed...quit your bitchin' and just read it...out loud...seriously...no one is listening to you anyway...besides....it has a GREAT line in it that you can use over and over and over again..."If they just went straight they might go far"..now THAT is wisdom...anyone got a boss or manager like that?...yeah..I thought so...

The Men Who Don't Fit In...

There's a race of men that don't fit in,
A race that can't stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
And they roam the world at will.
They range the field and they rove the flood,
And they climb the mountain's crest;
Theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood,
And they don't know how to rest.

If they just went straight they might go far;
They are strong and brave and true;
But they're always tired of the things that are,
And they want the strange and new.
They say: "Could I find my proper groove,
What a deep mark I would make!"
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
Is only a fresh mistake.

And each forgets, as he strips and runs
With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones
Who win in the lifelong race.
And each forgets that his youth has fled,
Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that's dead,
In the glare of the truth at last.

He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
He has just done things by half.
Life's been a jolly good joke on him,
And now is the time to laugh.
Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
He was never meant to win;
He's a rolling stone, and it's bred in the bone;
He's a man who won't fit in.

by R. W. Service

A Confession from my Life.... 

When no one is around, I sing to myself...I think it is the only time that I can get away with it...usually, when I sing, people throw things at me...and then, I have to either get up and punch them in the napper, or run away...or quit singing....I'm a pretty horrible singer...and I guess I bring it on myself, but I like to sing old songs...I think the singers just sang better back then...singers like Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, Dean Martin, the Andrews Sisters...I just love that music..."Big Band" kinda stuff....and today at work, I was making coffee...and I was blissfully doing my best imitation of Sinatra's "Fly Me To the Moon"...when I noticed I was being watched...DAMMIT.....I hate that....anyway, the person who saw me had never even heard that song....which, of course, made the whole matter worse....then I had to stop and explain to this person who Sinatra was, etc, etc....man, maybe I should just stop singing...or be more vigilant about watching who might be sneaking up on me...on an upside, at least I wasn't singing a Stones song and doing a Mick Jagger imitation..now THAT would have been too much to bear.....so, maybe I should just look on the bright side, eh?....anyway...for those of you unfortunates who don't know the song of which I'm talking about....here it is...do yourself a favor...go buy the CD....and then sing...like no one is watching....

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what Spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand!
In other words, darling, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for-ever-more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true!
In other words, I love you!

Quit laughing, dammit.....I know, I know....

More on Smoking Bans 

I agree with this site's post....reminds me of a protester I saw Cambridge Mass. one time....back in 1997...he was dressed as a giant cigarette...complete with a giant filter for a hat...and he was ringing a bell with one hand, and smoking a cigarette with the other....and in between bell ringing, he'd yell at the top of his lungs...

"SMOKE'M IF YA GOT'EM!!...when cigarettes are outlawed, only OUTLAWS will smoke cigarettes"....

he must have been a student at Harvard....

Size Matters... 

It seems that "Short People" are mad now....those brainiacs at the University of Florida have figured out that "Tall People" get paid more...I don't believe that crap for a minute...I suppose somebody wants us tall people to say we're sorry for being tall....and that we don't intend to hurt their feelings, or make them feel "vertically challenged" or whatever......sheesh....it DOESN'T MATTER how tall or short you are....quit whining!..get out there and do a GOOD JOB, and you'll make more money!....People can take statistics and make them look like ANYTHING they want to....this really reminds me of that old quote...

"statistics, damn lies, and statistics.."..or something like that...

"Height matters for career success," said Timothy Judge, a University of Florida management professor whose research will appear in the spring issue of the Journal of Applied Psychology.

"These findings are troubling in that, with a few exceptions such as professional basketball, no one could argue that height is an essential ability required for job performance nor a bona fide occupational qualification."

BAAAD Joke of the Day... 

One evening Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the seven dwarfs that she was going to bed. After the usual lengthy round of "Good Nights" she went upstairs.

Immediately all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began standing on each others shoulders beneath Snow White's bedroom window. Tonight was Grumpy's turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who could see in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she was doing.

After a minute or two he hollered down, "She's taking off her blouse!" and this was echoed down the stack "Taking off her blouse," "She's taking off her blouse," "Blouse is coming off," "Taking off her blouse," etc.

Next Grumpy yelled, "She's taking off her skirt," which was followed by the echoes "Taking off her skirt," "She's taking off her skirt," "Skirt's coming off," "Taking off her skirt," etc.

Of course the next line from Grumpy was, "She's taking off her bra!" and the echo chorus went down the line: "She's taking off her bra!" "She's taking off her bra!" "She's taking off her bra!" etc.

Then Grumpy said, "She's taking off her panties!" which again cascaded down the dwarf tower: "She's taking off her panties!" "She's taking off her panties!" "She's taking off her panties!" "She's taking off her panties!" etc.

Finally Grumpy looked around and from his vantage height saw someone coming through the woods so he yelled, "Someone's coming!"

And from the next dwarf to the bottom dwarf was heard, "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too."

Waiting to Exhale 

I was in Nashville for the weekend last Saturday....I stayed at the Holiday Inn Select near the Opry Mills Mall....it was a nice hotel, in a good location...close to just about everything you'd want to see in Nashville...just a quick taxi ride from anything....but the "mood" of the hotel was the real kicker......in the past, I have gotten used to most hotels across this planet having a "no smoking" sign on every vertical surface....especially the lounge and reception areas...not that I'm a chain smoker or anything, but I don't like being forced to go outside every time I want to light up....but, here, it was different...as soon as you walked into the place, they had a little shop selling candy and drinks...and CIGARS...glorious cigars....the reception area in this place was great - complete with big comfy chairs, coffee tables, and a marble floor...and ashtrays on the coffee table...I thought that was the coolest thing....so, when waiting for our taxi into town, I sat and had a smoke...I know, it is a simple pleasure...BUT, hey, I'll take them where I can get'em....I just love Smoker Friendly hotels....it was so nice to actually feel "welcome" to smoke in a public place..

October 20, 2003

And Now for Something Completely Different... 

Alright, I normally post weird and crazy stuff, but this is SERIOUS.....I have a problem, and maybe some of you people can help...I have played acoustic guitar for almost 16 years now..although, you wouldn't know it to listen to me...I still sound like a beginner...anyway, my problem is that my sweat absolutely EATS guitar strings for breakfast...I normally play with Martin Extra Light gauge Bronze strings...and after two weeks, the stings still sound OK, but they are tarnished to HELL....and a week later, they start to go dead...I have tried non-bronze strings, and they fell victim to the same fate...dirty, tarnished, and dead by the third week....so, here is my question...if anyone who reads my blog plays guitar, can you offer any suggestions?...I bought some "Finger Ease" silicon spray, and that only seems to delay the reaction for a week or so...

So, what I want to know is...am I just supposed to deal with this, and accept the fact that I will purchase new strings every month, or is there a "super" set of strings out there somewhere that can handle my acidic sweat....and before you ask, YES, I wipe down the guitar after every playing, and it STILL doesn't help...dangit...

A Precautionary Tale... 

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened!"

"But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

The Corner of the Bar Gang.. 

Well, I've been included in an illustrious group of drinkers and gropers over at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon...I can't wait to get over there tonight and listen to the "war" stories...although, I might be in a weeee bit of trouble...only been in the "gang" 24 hours, and ALREADY I've been caught oggling at Serenity's floppy bits....DANG....Willie was NOT supposed to mention that!!...I can feel that rolling pin banging into my noggin already, and I ain't EVEN started towards home yet...heh...but, it seems that a good time was had by all, though....I don't seem to remember much that happened after we did the last tequila shot....

Dog Breath? 

BWHAHAHAHAH....sorry....but, BHWHAHAHAAHAH...and my Father-in-Law was a DENTIST in Scotland...oh, the Horror...

"LONDON (Reuters) - More than half of Britons could have breath that smells worse that their pet's, according to a survey.

And women are the worst offenders, with three out of five failing a sulphur emissions test, according to research by toothpaste manufacturer Aquafresh.

"Some mouths may be dirtier than cat litter," dentist Brian Grieveson said in a statement that accompanied the research released on Thursday."

Quickie Joke of the Day 

"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.

'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered.

I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

In my mind, this quote ranks right up there with "If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so yummy..."

October 19, 2003

Enter the Dragon.. 

Hmmm....I like these quizzy things...turns out, I'm a big ole scary dragon....must have something to do with the red hair...but that "He tore his eyes from his sockets and used them to peer into the souls of those on trial to make a judgement. " thing is just CRAZY...

You are Form 5, Dragon: The Weaver.

"And The Dragon seperated the virtuous from the sinful. He tore his eyes from his sockets and used them to peer into the souls of thoseon trial to make a judgement. He knew that with endless knowledge came endless responsibility."

Some examples of the Dragon Form are Athena (Greek), St. Peter (Christian), and Surya (Indian). The Dragon is associated with the concept of intelligence, the number 5, and the element of wood. His sign is the crescent moon.

As a member of Form 5, you are an intelligent and wise individual. You weigh options by looking at how logical they are and you know that while there may not always be a right or wrong choice, there is always a logical one. People may say you are too indecisive, but it's only because you want to do what's right. Dragons are the best friends to have because they're willing to learn.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks to Ninjababe for the link...

The "Phantom" Masturbator 

....once again...in the interest of lowering the tone of my humble blog ONCE AGAIN, I offer you this....a story of weirdness in GIGANTIC proportions...is it coming from Southern California?....is it coming from some East Coast den of iniquity?....is it coming from a cat-house in N'awlins?...nope...guess where it's coming from...c'mon..GUESS.....no ideas?....it doesn't matter, you'd have never guessed it anyway....it's OREGON!! yes, ladies and gentlemen...OREGON is the new capital of weirdness...HERE is the proof....and THIS GUY lives out there....I hope he's doing ok with all those crazy people around..

"We were standing in the kitchen when some guy opened up the back door, walked into the kitchen and started to masturbate," Kraus said.

She identified the man as wearing khaki pants, a plaid shirt and an imitation of the mask used in the movie "Scream....

and more....

After waking the third roommate and her boyfriend, the four went back into the kitchen to see if the man was still there. He was gone and had left the back door wide open.

"He just vaporized," Kraus said. "Like a ghost."

Chinese Food tastes better in Space... 

He said it...I didn't...personally, I LOVE ethinc food..Thai, Chinese, and especially Indian food...I LOVE it...and if Yang thinks it tastes EVEN BETTER when tasting it in a spacecraft, then SIGN ME UP.....I want to eat "General Tso Chicken with Fried Rice" in geo-synchronous orbit at least ONCE before I die....

Lt. Col. Yang Liwei, China's first human being in space, spent some of his time miles above the Earth eating from his choice of 20 Chinese dishes -- including one-bite nuggets of spicy shredded pork, diced chicken and fried rice cooked "with nuts, dates and other delicacies."

"The astronaut will enjoy himself over a rich variety of Chinese food," the government's Xinhua News Agency reported after Yang was safely in orbit. The agency's rather emphatic headline: "Chinese food for Chinese astronauts."

Lesbian "Quickie" Sex 

Someone PLEASE tell me what that entails...I REALLY want to know...just give me the visual idea...I'll take the rest from there....Please?...

A LESBIAN killer has been moved to another jail after seducing two female warders in a sex scandal more raunchy than anything in TV's Bad Girls.

Scheming Claire McDermott, 28, has been transferred from top-security Holloway jail after telling governors she enjoyed steamy sex sessions with two prison officers.

McDermott - who is serving life for stabbing a woman to death - told them she had "quickie sex" in her cell with officers Denise Tierney and Diane O'Dwyer, both aged 33.

Under-appreciated...Bad Joke of the Day... 

A newly ordained monk arrives at a remote monastery. He is greeted there by the Abbot, and then is told he must take a vow of silence. If after 20 years, he maintains this vow, he will be allowed to utter two words.

The young monk swears the oath, and sets about his monkly duties. Twenty years pass. The Head monk calls him in to the office.

"Brother", starts the head monk, "you've done well here. 20 years, and not a word has passed your lips. You are now allowed to speak 2 words."

The slightly gray monk pulls back his hood, looks the head monk in the eye, and says: "Bad Food!"

The monk pulls the hood back over his head, and goes back to work.

Twenty more years pass. He is again summoned to the head monks office.

"Congratulations," says the head monk. "twenty more years, and not a sound. You may again speak two words."

The 60 year old monk, slightly bowed by 40 years of the Lord's work, walks up to the Head Monk, and says: "No Heat!"

And he then resumes his efforts.

Twenty more years go by, and now the Monk is called back to see the head monk. Both old men move much slower now, but manage to meet in the office.

The head monk starts: "Brother, congratulations once more, you've been here 60 years, and have managed to maintain your vow of silence, you may now utter 2 more words."

The old Monk slowly hobbles up to the head monk's desk, pulls back his hood to reveal a balding head, and says: "I Quit!"

As he turns to go, the head monk says to him: "It's just as well, you've done nothing but bitch ever since you first got here!!!"

Deep Fried Pickles 

Well, I'm back from Nashville, safe and sound....what a beautiful day to be driving...perfect blue sky, slightly cool temperature...Rolling Stones blasting...and the wife kicked back drinking a chocolate milkshake from the Dairy Queen.....I followed a semi truck hauling "hazardous chemicals" all the way from Nashville to the I40/I75 split just south of Knoxville...I stayed right behind that big rig, and he hardly EVER let it fall off 90mph..my little silver buggy stayed up there with no problem, but I couldn't help thinking - as we went around some of those curves and up into the mountains near Crossville - about him turning over and killing everyone in a 2 mile radius...I don't know if he was running empty or not, but his tanker trailer was covered in big warnings about how hazardous the stuff he was hauling is....anyway....he didn't wreck...and neither did I...and I made it in record time back home...I figured that if he was going that fast, he must know where the cops are....anyway, I'm back...

I have to share one thing about the trip, though...I went out to eat, and I noticed something on the menu that I had never even HEARD of before.....DEEP FRIED PICKLES....I couldn't resist...something that sounded THAT weird just HAD to be tried....so, I had my first taste of Deep Fried Pickels....has anyone else ever had these?...basically, they are dill pickle slices that have been dipped in batter, and deep fried....they gave you a garlic and sourcream sauce to dip them in....if any of you out there run a pub or bar, you need to put these on the menu....they weren't exactly to my liking, but they DID make me buy two extra beers at the restaurant...tip, if you want someone to drink more in a pub or eatin' establishment, get them thirsty....this appetizer is 100% sure to be good for AT LEAST two more drinks...

October 17, 2003

I'm off to Nashville 

Sorry guys....I have some business to take care of in Nashville....so, I won't be back in the blogseat until Sunday evening....check back around dusk on Sunday...maybe something new will have appeared...until then, y'all have a good weekend....this is Straight White Guy..signing off....................*click*

I guess I'll try another Friday Five 

1. Name five things in your refrigerator.
ok....2 Jars of Moonshine
8 bottles of Amber Bock Ale
1 bottle of dry Vermouth
1 bottle of sweet Vermouth
1 bottle of Goldschlager

2. Name five things in your freezer.
ice cubes
about 150 frozen burritos
a 3 year old frozen pizza
2 boxes of "Texas Toast"
more ground beef than I could EVER possibly eat

3. Name five things under your kitchen sink.
lighter fluid
dishwasher tablets
a pot scrubber
a box of garbage bags
some old kiwi black boot polish

4. Name five things around your computer.
a large tumbler of Scotch
an ashtray
that damn "Aqua Tube" I got for my birthday
a rubber Gila Monster

5. Name five things in your medicine cabinet.
Dangit...all the stuff in my medicine cabinet is too hard to spell..sorry...you'll just have to use your imagination....

Thanks to LeeAnn for the tip...

Corner of the Bar Gang 

Madfish Willie is up to no good again....trying his BEST to get us all to tell jokes and get hammered...all for the the honor of being in a elite group of patrons of his bar..known only as the "Corner of the Bar Gang"....check it out if you get a chance...he's got some good drinks recipes, and his jokes ain't bad either!....DAMMIT!!....I didn't make the list...I guess I'll just have to tell more bad jokes HERE....after all, this site is pretty much ALREADY dedicated to drinking Scotch, dirty jokes, and cigarette smoke....oh, and some other weird stories about the military, sex, playing guitar, and hunting...and Robert Service...and Rugby...stuff like that...heh...I guess I'll just have to break out my old George Thorogood CD and listen to the famous..."I drink alone"....dangit...anyway, at LEAST I made Blackfive's list of bloggers he'd like to have a drink with....

RWC Continues... 

I know that everyone has been caught up in the baseball playoffs....I have to tell everyone that I was hoping to see a Sox/Cubs World Series....that would have been awesome...however, I didn't watch any of the games...AT ALL...why, you may ask?...because I would have missed the RUGBY!....So far, we've seen the big boys CRUSHING the little people...and I just want to say how INCREDIBLY PROUD I am of the way the USA Eagles played their first match...now THAT was a tragedy....let me give you a quick rundown of a few of the scores, and you'll see what I mean...

New Zealand 70 to 7 over Italy..
France 61 to 18 over Fiji
South Africa 72 to 6 over Uruguay
Wales 41 to 10 over Canada
England 84 to 6 over Georgia
Argentina 67 to 14 over Namibia

and.....Fiji 19 to 18 over USA

Hell, OUR match was the only nailbiter so far...

More Naked Protests 

dangit....I want to see a naked protest...I've never seen one...they seem to be happening EVERYwhere...and now, even the Mexicans are getting naked...I think we need to organize a naked protest in Knoxville...or Chattanooga...hmmm..

Tuesday, October 14, 2003 (Mexico City):

Dozens of nude and semi-nude Mexican farmers, men and women, from Veracruz state protested on Monday in front of the Angel of Independence statue, in the heart of Mexico City.

It is the second time in two weeks that the farmers chose this unusual form of protest to call attention to their claim over lost lands.

Hurt Feelings is Equal to getting SMACKED.. 

wow....I just wonder how long it is going to be before some wingnut has a law written up...which gives us jail time for choosing not to talk to EVERYONE at a party...and inadvertantly "causing them physical pain"....jeez....I can ALREADY here the whine beginning to build up steam....

Being snubbed socially provokes exactly the same brain response as being physically hurt, say US researchers.

Volunteers were asked to play a computer game designed to fool them into feeling excluded, while brain scans were taken at the same time.

I am at a total loss for words 

I have no idea what message I'm going to send her..but, after seeing this...I HAVE to send her something....

this is NOT suitable for viewing at work, by the way...

Bad Joke of the Day 

There was once a slight built Scotsman and a heavy set Englishman who lived next door to each other...

The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.

The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued back and forth for a while until finally the Scotsman said: "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Englishman thought about for a while and finally agreed to this form of manly combat...

And so the Scotsman came out of his house wearing his heaviest pair of boots. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman full throttle and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls.

The Englishman crumpled and fell to the earth clutching his nuts, howling in bloody agony for a full 30 minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and smiled: "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Scotsman smiled back: "There's no need for that, I give up, you can keep the damn egg."

October 16, 2003

I'm having my first "Blog block"... 

I have just written three posts, and then deleted them all because I didn't like them...damn....I think I'll just read OTHER people's stuff tonight instead of posting....actually, I think that I'm just tired...today is only Thursday, and I'm tired....Tomorrow, after working, I have to drive to Nashville to spend the weekend...which means, that I won't arrive there until around midnight on Friday...next weekend, some friends have booked a chalet in Gatlinburg, so, I'll spend all weekend up there...and the following weekend, I'm going to the Dixie Blogger Convention in Dahlonega..so, it looks like my restful weekends are shot for the next little while...although, I look forward to all of these events, I'm getting too dang busy...I am lazy at heart...I enJOY being lazy....I don't think of it as "lazy"...more like, "creative loafing"...anyway, I think I'll go and play some guitar...the wife ain't home yet - which means I can sing as I play - so that might be fun....

Oh, one other thing...yesterday, after work, I went shooting with my Mother...how cool is THAT? eh?...I have bought her all of her handguns, and she still needs a little practice, but we shot for just over an hour last night in the back yard...she is a pretty good shot at close range...she has been widowed for 2 years now, and she still lives alone....My Dad was the epitome of the "Protector"...and he is missed by all of us greatly...so, I bought her a .38 revolver, and a .22 automatic....she loves them both..hehehh...she calls the .38 her "house and car gun"...and her .22 is her "personal gun".....When I showed up yesterday, I had all of my pistols with me...quite a load..she was in the back yard raking leaves....and I said..."where is your pistol, Mom, aren't you ready to shoot?"...and she said...wait for it..."It's right here, honey.."...and she reached her right hand into the neck of her tee-shirt, and pulled out the .22....I laughed my ass off right there in the back yard...my Mom has got SUCH a RACK...she can hide guns in it....I said..."DANG!! What kind of holster did you buy???"...and she said.."nothing, honey, I just slip it into my bra between my boobs"....I couldn't believe it....what a way to carry concealed....and yes, she has a carry permit....my Mom ROCKS!

Bad Joke of the Day 

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."

Hemingway Quote... 

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." -- Ernest Hemingway

October 15, 2003

A Thought on my Writing Style..or Lack of it... 

Alright...I was just over at the Acidman's site, and he mentioned in one his posts about his pet peve..peeve..pevee..what-the-hell-ever...dang...I need that dictionary now....anyway, you people know what I mean...grammar and punctuation when reading a blog...ok...so....I KNOW that some of you must hate all the periods I use when I'm typing...for that, I'm sorry.....I can't stop it...it has been beaten into me for years of using out-dated "order wire" technology in the military...see, I was a "communicator" in the Corps..and, as a result, I had to "communicate"...one of the ways we did this was to use these dumb terminals that were connected to far off sites....it was just like how I am typing now, on this blog..the crypto only keyed up after a delay of a few seconds....so, you started every conversation off with a bunch of "......." to get the crypto to sync....then, once a connection was established, you would begin typing your message to the distant station...as a result, when I'm on this blog, the things flow directly from my mind to the keyboard...to the blog...and since it is one, single, stream of thought, I subconsciously don't want my crypto sync to stop...so, when I'm thinking of something to say, I use "....."...or "dead characters"...to fill the blanks so that I don't lose the crypto sync...usually, this means that I will spell a bunch of words incorrectly...I don't use proper capitalization, and the reading of this blog must be horrendous....that's ok....another way of looking at this, would be to think of my "...." as dramatic pauses....and in a way, that is exactly what they are...because I am thinking of what to say next..if you were talking to me in person, you'd get the same thing..I'd say something, and then I'd pause whilst thinking of how best to put the next idea out to you...one thing is for sure...when I go to Dahlonega on the 1st of November...someone is either gonna punch me for 1, being from Tennessee..or 2, for speaking like I type, and using too many "dramatic pauses"...or 3, for having too much Scotch and trying to sing Neil Young songs..so....there you go...you all know now, why I use all those dang "......" between my words....; ^ )

The Latest in Contraception...be a Hippy.. 

Nope, it's not my idea...I just read it on CNN...so, don't yell at ME...forget the condoms...ditch the sponge...hell, don't even worry about pulling out....just toke up a little ganja before the act, and you'll be ok...Why?...because your "little guys" will be too stoned to find the target area...

"The sperm from marijuana smokers were moving too fast too early," said Lani Burkman, lead author of the study, in a statement.

"To attach itself to the egg, the sperm has to swim like mad -- that's hyper activation -- and they have to be vigorous at the right time," Burkman said. "Smoking marijuana messes up the natural regulatory system."

"The timing was all wrong. These sperm will experience burnout before they reach the egg and would not be capable of fertilization."

Another victim of the "dreaded joint burnout"...no WONDER there was so much "free love" back in the 60's...

The "Full-Auto" Smile 

If you have never had one...you should GET one...there is nothing in the world like the feeling of shooting a fully automatic weapon...military people will agree with me..but, for a civilian who likes to shoot, there is no bigger rush....I have seen lots of civilians fire their first machine gun....in the beginning, their reactions vary...from fear of the weapon...to uncertainty about what firing such a weapon is going to be like...etc....however, once they first squeeze that trigger...after their first burst of fire...they ALWAYS pause...look over at you, and say "WOW"...and then you see it...the "Full-Auto" smile....it's hard to wipe it off at first....usually, the only way to get it off their face is to let them run out of ammo...check THIS ARTICLE to see what I'm talking about...

These statistics will be disturbing to the myopic antigun crowd, which fails to recognize the millions of rounds fired safely every year, including the tens of thousands fired at this twice-yearly event that draws everyday folks from as far away as California and Florida.

The special draw here is to be able to go full auto--something heavily regulated since the 1930s--with some of the most impressive hardware on the planet. I knew this was serious when I walked through the main gate and the first range offered flame throwers for rent--$65 for regular grade; $125 a squirt if you wanted to upgrade to Napalm.

Quote of the Day 

This one is from the Miami Herald....get the whole article HERE....

KANDAHAR, Afghanistan - Hundreds of Afghan troops backed by U.S. soldiers and helicopters attacked a suspected Taliban hide-out, killing at least four rebels and capturing eight others, Afghan and U.S. officials said Tuesday.

One Afghan soldier was killed and five others were wounded. Jan Mohammed Khan, governor of the central Uruzgan province where the raid occurred, said the captured Taliban appeared to be residents of Uruzgan and the neighboring province of Zabul.

The raid started Monday in the Chaar Cheno district, an area about 90 miles northeast of Kandahar that is believed to be a Taliban stronghold, after troops surrounded the suspected camp, police chief Haji Mohammed Akhtar said. It was continuing Tuesday, but Akhtar gave no other details.

''We will either kill or capture these Taliban,'' Akhtar said.

THAT's the spirit, Akhtar.....

Sometimes the Internet is just SCARY 

...ok..how STUPID would you have to be to send nude photos of yourself over the internet to a complete stranger..hell, I even debated whether or not I should put MY photo up on this blog...the thought of having all you nuts look at me was scary at first...I'm quite shy, you know....but, then I thought...so what?....but THIS GUY needs a SERIOUS reality check....and that 16 year old needs a spanking...

"The 16-year-old, arrested Thursday, is charged with extortion in a case that stems from a March conversation over the Internet, the Gainesville Police Department reported.

The teenager is accused of asking for nude photos of a 26-year-old Maryland man. After the adult e-mailed the photos, the teen told the man his true age and threatened him, saying if he didn't send money the police would be notified."

Motivational Recruiting Posters 

courtesy of Strange Cosmos...

and THIS one is CLASSIC....

October 14, 2003


I was just over at Madfish Willie's Saloon....you know, having a look at the other drinks recipes....and DAMMIT....I was the only one who put up my recipe in Milliliters instead of ounces...EUROPE has CORRUPTED ME....I feel so ashamed...so abused...so DIRTY!....here was my recipe....my wife is a pharmacist...and she keeps an antique pharmaceutical measuring beaker beside my bar set...and that is how I mix my drinks...Honest...so, this metric thing reflects nothing on me, personally...but purely on the fact that I'm using the tools at hand...in a nutshell, 60ml of Vodka equals about 2 shots....sorry...

have a drink..one of my Antarctic Cosmopolitans...

Combine all ingredients in a stainless steel, penguin shaped cocktail shaker...this is very important...

5 pieces of uncrushed ice...fairly large pieces...
60ml of Absolute Vodka
1 tablespoons of lemon juice
2 tablespoons of Cointreau...
1 tablespoons of sweetened lime juice...
40ml of cranberry juice..

shake vigorously, making a cha-cha noise...like WIKKA wikka wikka wikka, WIKKA wikka wikka wikka, etc...until the stainless steel penguin gets too dang cold to hold anymore...or until you get tired of shaking it...which is normally about 30 seconds...

and strain into a martini glass....that amount of liquid should ALMOST fill an average martini glass to the brim...so be careful when you hand it to the intended victim...

Birthday Present Round-up 

As of close-of-business today...I have received the following gifts for my birthday...

An "Aqua Tube"...it has little plastic fish in it, and when you plug it in, it looks like the fish are swimming around....sort of a poorman's fish tank...really reminds me of a lava lamp, though...I thought FOR SURE it was a bottle of Scotch...shaped the same, and even made "liquidy" noises when you shook it...dammit...

A BIG-ASSED hardback copy of "The New Oxford American Dictionary"...the wife must think I can't spell or something....

A paperback book called "Scotland, Bloody Scotland"...that has lots of funny cartoons in it all about Scotland's bloody history...

A wool sweater from Scotland....

A "gift basket" of Italian Foodstuffs...so that I can cook a "proper" Italian meal for a change..heeheh .. ;^)

A glass martini set...which includes a glass pitcher, 4 glasses, and a glass stirring rod...for those guests who DON'T want their martini's shaken....I keep trying to tell them that they are BETTER shaken, and not STIRRED...it is NOT just a James Bond thing....

A Tee-Shirt that has "my Mother went to West Virginia, and all she got me was this lousy tee-shirt"....I'm SERIOUS...stop laughing...I'm gonna have to WEAR that bastard....

A Christmas tree ornament with the Lone Ranger on it....once agian...I wish I was making this crap up, but this is the TRUTH.

The Rifle and Scope that I BOUGHT MYSELF...

and...an envelope with 10 bucks in it..

So, there you go....now, all of you know what I got for my 31st birthday...I hope you all can sleep soundly tonight...

DANG!...I post too much.. 

I just realized, that since I started this blog thinggy just over a month ago... I have posted - on AVERAGE - of six times per 24 hour period...wow...is that too much?...that seems like a lot...maybe I shoud focus on quality over quantity....aaahhhh...screw it...I LIKE posting a lot....

ANOTHER "Story From My Life" 

Usually, I just post jokes that crack me up,...or news stories that show me how crazy people are....but, sometimes, I get in the mood to tell a story...and I'm in one of those moods now....so, here is a story about humor, attraction, drinking too much, watching too much TV, blind dates, wrong things to say, and come-backs....anyway, off to the story..

Once upon a time, I had a cousin named Scott....now, Scott is 6 foot 4, and about 235...big ole fella...anyway, I met this girl at work named Charlene...she was brunette, 5 foot 2...AND she was a real cutie, and smart to boot....so, being that Scott was a nice guy, I decided....for the FIRST time in my life, that I'd play Cupid...and I arranged to have them both over to my house for dinner....that way, everything would be on neutral ground, there would be another "couple" around - me and the missus..and if things didn't go well, either one of them could bail after they had eaten my famous spaghetti and downed a few glasses of vino...no problem, right?

Well, Charlene arrived first...so, after greeting her at the door, I offered to make her a drink...she asked for a "Midori", and I didn't have any....now, firstly, this was a bit of a shock...for all NORMAL people, I have a fairly well stocked bar right here in my house, but nope...I didn't have any midori...so, she said..."Oh, I really like midori..."...she didn't drink very much, you see....ANYWAY, I say, "Well, if you like sweet drinks, maybe you'd like one of my famous Cosmopolitans?"......she proceeded to ask what was in it, etc...and I was explaining it as I mixed it up....now, about this time, Scott rings the doorbell....my wife lets him in, since I'm busy mixing a drink for Charlene....and he ambles his way into the kitchen..

"Hello, Scott! This is Charlene, that I've been telling you about for the past two weeks...what do you think? A real cutie, eh?"....now....of course, Charlene blushes a little at the compliment, giggles a little, and turns towards Scott for his opening statement...by now, my wife has walked around the corner and is in the edge of the kitchen ....just waiting to see if she can see any "chemistry" between them.....but Scott just stands there eyeing Charlene up and down....and you could tell that there was an attraction between them....so, Charlene takes the Cosmo and starts to take a sip....and Scott, sensing that it is time for him to say something, says..."What's that you are drinking?"....

Charlene takes the delicate cocktail glass down from her lips, and says..."a Cosmopolitan, I like it.."....to which....Scott utters the best "first-date-one-liner" I've ever heard......

"DANG! Only hookers drink cosmos"...

You could have heard a pin drop...Charlene nearly spills her drink... the wife punches Scott in the arm....and I collapse in uncontrollable laughter....Charlene...slowly looks up at Scott and says..."Has anyone ever told you that you bear an INCREDIBLE likeness to Randy Quaid from National Lampoon's Vacation?"....I thought I was gonna pee my pants when she said that....

In any case, the night fared better from there on out...we had a good meal...but, the damage had been done....EVEN when Scott tried to tell her that he was just trying to be funny, and that he'd heard that quote from some movie...the damage was DONE already....any "chemistry" they had at that first sight was crushed beyond repair after his opening statement....anyway....I still rag him about looking like Randy Quaid...BWHAHAHA...Charlene actually tried to console him later on that night by telling him that she thought Randy Quaid was quite handsome and sexy...but it never worked...now he's got a Randy Quaid complex...which serves him right....

So...the moral of this story...if you watch too many movies...and you start to memorize the dialogue....it is a bad thing..stop it...it will eventually come back at an inopportune time and bite you in the buttocks....and...when dating...DON'T make a joke when you first meet your girl...say something nice..Hell, even Scott saying..."DAMN!! Nice TITS!!" would have been a better first statement than that hooker comment....

Bad Joke of the Day 

A young boy approaches his father and asks, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you learned from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that."

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!"

The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, " Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on two million dollars, but realistically, we're living with Two Sluts."

Political Nugget of the Day 

I cannot BELIEVE that no one else caught this...PLEASE, dear bloggers....I am just a simple country boy...would one of you do me the personal favor of FISKING the living HELL out of this dude...please?

As sometimes happens with Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-R.I.), he let his mouth race ahead of his brain Wednesday night at a gathering of Young Democrats at the Washington nightspot Acropolis. After presidential candidate Howard Dean spoke, Kennedy delivered an impassioned peroration against President Bush's tax cut. We hear that Kennedy told the crowd: "I don't need Bush's tax cut. I have never worked a [bleeping] day in my life." With that he got the audience's attention -- the dropping-jaws kind. "He droned on and on, frequently mentioning how much better the candidates would sound the more we drank," a witness told us. "Finally, he had to be stopped by a DNC volunteer." Kennedy's spokesman, Ernesto Anguilla, told us yesterday: "He was talking to the crowd; it was a rally-the-troops kind of speech about the tax cut. He was energizing the crowd and got caught up in it and used an unfortunate word, which he regrets using. . . . And no one pulled him off the stage."

The article is from the Washington Post...

DANG!!..Beware the Penis-Snatchers.. 

I always seem to find THESE STORIES...I SWEAR that I don't look for them on purpose....scout's honor...

"Reports of penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, with purported victims claiming that alleged sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear in order to extort cash in the promise of a cure.

The police spokesman said many men in Serekunda were now afraid to shake hands, and he urged people not to believe reports of "vanishing" genitals. Belief in sorcery is widespread in West Africa.

Seven alleged penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs in Ghana in 1997. "

People Will Steal Anything - Part 2 

No comment...here it is...MORON

"VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) - A man was recovering in a Vancouver-area hospital on Tuesday after his apparent attempt to steal a roll of copper wire ended up giving him a 27,000-volt electrical shock.

The man was found on Monday wandering in a Surrey, British Columbia, railroad yard with second degree burns but without his shoes, which police said had been blown off when he tried to disconnect the wire from a running generator.

Investigators said the 41-year-old man, whose name was not released but was already "well known" to police, was expected to recover from his injuries and faced several criminal charges
. "

October 13, 2003

Ahhhh...now I can sleep in peace tonight... 

This site is certified 64% GOOD by the Gematriculator

Thanks to AIN'T DONE IT! for the link..

Deep Inside the British Mind... 

I just got this from a friend in the UK....man, it is pretty scary...think about it...a WHOLE GENERATION of Brits were brought up with this...and all those do-good'ers over here who wanna ban Wile E. Coyote??......gimme a break....Wile E. Coyote's influence has shaped me my entire life....man...I've had DREAMS about him actually catching that damn Roadrunner...my message to Mr. Coyote? "I'm with ya, Buddy....I feel your pain!"

Anyway, the Brits seem to think the following dialogue is suitable for their toddlers...I'll let you be the judge...heh..."twanger"...now THAT is funny...by the way, "George" is a Pink Hippo...so, lock your imagination around THAT one while you read this..

For those of you who don't have kids or are far too young to remember the splendid children's TV programme "Rainbow", this may be a little lost on you ... but it must have been a great episode to watch! Almost too ridiculous to believe ... This is taken from an original Rainbow script and there's no way this could have been done by Accident. Innuendo all the way.

The sketch opens with Zippy peeling a banana ...
Zippy: "One skin, two skin, three skin, four"
George: "Zippy, where is Bungle?"
Zippy: "I think Geoffrey is trying to get him up"
We see a view of the door and hear Bungle moaning from behind it.
Bungle: "Geoffrey, I can't get it in"
Geoffrey: "You managed it last night"
Bungle: "I know, lets try it round the other way. Ooooooh, I've got it in"
Bungle and Geoffrey enter the studio with Bungle carrying a hammer and peg kit.
Bungle: "Would you stick this on the shelf, George"
George: "I can't reach, you'll have to stick it up yourself, Bungle."
Geoffrey (to camera) "Hello everyone, today we are talking about playing"
Bungle: "Playing with each other, Geoffrey?"
Geoffrey: "Yes Bungle, do you have a special friend that you like to play with?"
George: "Yesterday we played with each other's balls. Are we going to play with our friend's balls today?
Bungle: "Yes, and we can play with our twangers as well."
Geoffrey (to camera) Have you seen Bungles twanger?
Zippy: "Oh I have, I showed him how to pluck with it."
Bungle: "It's my plucking instrument."
Geoffrey asks the audience if they can pluck like Bungle
Zippy: "I can, I'm the best plucker here."
George: "And I'm good at banging. My peg's hard isn't it Zippy?"
Zippy: "Well of course it is, your peg wouldn't go in if it was soft."
Geoffrey: "Let's get back to Bungle's twanger."
Bungle: (excited) "Oooooh Geoffrey, we could all play with our twangers couldn't we? Let's play the plucking song. Rod and Freddy can get their instruments out and Jane has got two lovely Maracas."
Singers Rod, Freddy and Jane enter.
Freddy: "We could hear you all banging away"
Rod: "Banging can be fun."
Jane: "Ooooh yes, and I was banging away all last night with Rod and
Freddy: ( looking sad ) "Yes, but it broke my plucking instrument."
Rod: (to Jane) "Do you want to blow on my pipe while I'm twanging away?"
Jane: "Oh no, I was banging away with Freddy last night. But would you like to play with my maracas?
Zippy; "No, let's just pluck away with our twangers."
George: "Yes, it doesn't matter what size our twanger is."
Zippy: "I've got a big red one."
George: "I've only got a tiny twanger. But it works well and I like to play with it."
Geoffrey: (to viewers) "Well, have you got your twangers out? And remember, you can bang your balls at the same time. If you haven't got any, ask a friend if you can play with his. Now, let's all play the plucking song."
Everyone in studio: "Pluck, pluck, pluck along, we're going to pluck all day."

You've all been warned 

Everyone was talking about that tiger attacking that Roy guy...I never watched the show...anyway, now, after the fact, the photos and videos of the actual attack are beginning to come out....this picture is pretty bad...It is DEFINITELY not for the faint of heart....

The Tiger that attacked Roy..

Quote of the Day 

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright (1876 - 1944)

thanks to Strange Cosmos

The Butt-Kicking Weekend Continues 

Update on the Sunday Poolfest Results...once again, I was thoroughly thrashed by Steve in both 8-ball, AND 9-ball...in our usual "race to seven", the score was thus:

8-ball....Steve, 7 to 4
9-ball....Steve, 7 to 3

..and I think he threw a few games so as not to embarrass me in my own house...I'm really gonna have to start practicing through the week..

October 12, 2003

I am being RECRUITED!! 

I have been approached by a member of The Alliance....so, should I become a rebel and fight against the evil White Glenn??....or, should I remain un-alligned, and mind my own business like the Swiss??...or should I join the DARK Forces of the Axis of Naughty??

Hat Tip to Dean Martin 

I love taking those little quizzy things you see all the time on the net....the latest one floating around is "Which member of the Rat Pack are you?"...well, I'm Dean...who would have guessed it, right?..anyway, out of respect for the fine man....this morning, you get a lovely song to humm all day...






No Comment 

THIS is just funny...sorry folks...

"Ruff" Yoga 

Every day that I wake up, one of my first thoughts is - "wow...people are nuts"...and, sure enough...every morning, I go and read something that proves my point..

People are Crazy...but, maybe if I leave'em alone, they won't bother me...so, that's my motto..you can be crazy..just do it somewhere else...like South Beach...

"It's 5 p.m. You just got off work. But there's much to do.

The dog needs walking. You haven't been to the gym in a week. And when was the last time you visited with your neighbors?

Sounds like you need a half-hour of Ruff Yoga. The new class, offered by Crunch Fitness and taught in South Beach's Flamingo Park, helps man, woman and their canine friends bond while exercising together".

The Nerve of Some People 

I simply cannot believe this...is this lady on crack or what?...

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (Reuters) - The mother of a man who killed three co-workers before shooting himself in a workplace rampage has asked the company to compensate her for her son's death because it occurred at work, the company said on Tuesday.

Modine Manufacturing Co. has turned down the request by Nina Tichelkamp-Russell, the mother of the 25-year-old gunman Jonathon Russell, company spokesman Mick Lucareli said. But the claim must still be reviewed by the state, he said

Read and be asssstonished..


So far...the Vols have been hit by a car, and attacked by a dawg...what's next?..getting struck by lightning?..more than likely, they'll get stepped on by an Elephant....damn....I had a horrible dream last night....Uga was chasing Smokey all over Neyland Stadium with the intent of humping his leg...after all, Uga is just a short little varmint..anyway, Smokey was howling and running around....and short little Uga - with his tongue hanging out..was right behind him the whole time going, "roof, roof, RROOF"...what a nightmare..

October 11, 2003

Scottish Singing - Corrupting Europeans since 1993  

You people have not LIVED until you've heard a gorgeous Scottish Lass blast out a version of "Rocky Top"...the accent definitely does something to it..I first taught it to her in 1993.......DAMN! I LOVE corrupting Europeans...you wanna imagine something incredibly funny....just imagine Scotty from the Enterprise singing this song...BWHAHAHHH

Let it ring boys!

Wish that I was on ole rocky top,
Down in the tennessee hills.
Ain’t no smoggy smoke on rocky top,
Ain’t no telephone bills.

Once there was a girl on rocky top,
Half bear the other half cat.
Wild as a mink, sweet as soda pop,
I still dream about that.

Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top Tennessee, rocky top Tennessee.

Once two strangers climbed on rocky top,
Lookin’ for a moonshine still.
Strangers ain’t come back from rocky top,
Guess they never will.

Corn won’t grow at all on rocky top,
Dirt’s too rocky by far.
That’s why all the folks on rocky top
Get their corn from a jar.

Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top Tennessee, rocky top Tennessee.

Now I’ve had years of cramped up city life,
Trapped like a duck in a pen.
Now all I know is it’s a pity life
Can’t be simple again.

Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top Tennessee, rocky top Tennessee.

My Soul Brother 

I finally decided that I'm going to Dahlonega on November 1st to eat pizza and get guitar lessons from the Acidman, and meet a bunch of North Georgia Bloggers....man, I sure hope I can hold my alcohol, stay in tune, and not get shot...I guess that depends on the outcome of the ball game tonight...I mean, if the Vols just bitch-slap the Dawgs all over Neyland, then I'll probably get my butt kicked when I get to Dahlonega...on the other hand...if the Dawgs chew Tennessee up into little bitty Orange and White bits, I suppose I'll have to HEAR about it the WHOLE time I'm down there...man, I'm torn...

Any other bloggers going down to the Acidman's Crackerbox Mountain Chalet?

A Simple Truth About Blogging  

wow, I'm learning more and more every day...this just hit me out of the blue...an epiphany...a sudden revealing of the inner workings of the blogosphere....

..the more you drink, the more likely you are to leave comments on people's sites that you have just visited for the first time..

I was just on this site a minute ago, and read their first blog entry, and I had the overwhelming urge to leave a comment...not a witty one....not a clever one....not even an insightful one...simply, "DANG!!" was going to be my entry...

....but, I managed to resist the urge....Luckily, I have only begun this evening's festivities, and the Scotch is at a trickle...instead of a torrent...but, I suddenly realized that she would go back to her site...read my comment...and think..."who in the HELL is this NUT, and which tree did HE fall out of"....so, I didn't comment....and NOW, I sit here wondering where in the blogosphere I was last night...and on whose site did I, in a drunken stupor, simply comment, "DANG!!"...before passing out at the keyboard...

so, if any of you have a "DANG!!" comment, I apologize..wholeheartedly...I can assure you that I was completely insane at the time I did it, and I will endeavor to make sure that I leave more profound comments in the future...if I ever stumble upon your site again, that is...I suppose the moral of this story is..

friends don't let friends blog drunk....I think I'll head on over to Madfish Willies and get a good seat to watch the Vols game...

My Present to Myself..  

I love getting presents...and when I treat MYSELF, it is even better...because I KNOW I'm gonna love it...and here is what I bought myself today...

This absolutely BEAUTIFUL Remington 700 Rifle...in 280 Rem.

And THIS kick-ass scope...Leupold Vari-X III 3.5-10x50mm....

oh yeah....HAPPY b-day to me....

For all you Chocoholics out there... 

Ever eat a nice piece of yummy chocolate, and gleefully chew on the nougat or whatever is inside?....sure you have...we all have....but read this and "think" about that yummy nougat next time..Muahahahaha

....The Article Is Here...

New Tee-Shirt  

A friend of mine bought me this shirt a while back...I'm gonna wear it to the range today when I try out my new gun...not that it is important...but I thought you all should know..

Bad Joke of the Day  

Jim goes to see his doctor because he has an incredibly small penis and wants to know if anything can be done to help him.

Dr. Putz rolls his eyes and says: "Okay, let's have a look."

Jim drops his pants and Dr. Putz tries not to laugh.

"You're right!" smiles Dr. Putz. "You definitely need help! But you're in luck -- we have a new procedure that uses the DNA taken from the trunk of a newborn baby elephant. It doesn't hurt you, it doesn't hurt the elephant, everybody wins!"

Jim smiles: "Sign me up!" and quickly checks into the hospital for the procedure.

After a couple of weeks pass, he finally gets the courage to ask his next door neighbor, Mary, out on a date.

They are having dinner at a fancy French restaurant when suddenly Jim's penis rips through his pants, snakes up over the table, grabs a bread roll out of the basket, and then, just as quickly, disappears back under the table.

Jim, mortified with embarrassment, doesn't know what to say.

Mary's eyes are big as saucers...

"Can you do that again?" she asks.

Jim, gasping for air, says: "Later... right now my ass can't take another roll!"


..last week, the glorious Vols got run over by a Cadillac....this week, most people think they are about to get thrown around like a plush toy being played with by an angry dawg...I guess we'll just have to wait and SEE.....


Let's just hope we hear THIS being played a LOT more often than we did at Auburn...

October 10, 2003


This guy is so far to the right that he's.....well..RIGHT...


- You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden

- You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.

- You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.

- You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.

Thanks to Acidman for the tip..


I just got home and got the mail...and I got a b-day present from the inlaws in Scotland...YEE HAA....

Update:...dammit...Wife says I have to wait till Tuesday to open it...DAMMIT!!!

As Requested...more Robert Service 

This is one of his better known poems...I like it...I keep saying this, and I know that you all are doing it...but, his poems must be read out loud....anyway...here goes...

The Cremation of Sam McGee

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam 'round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he'd often say in his homely way that he'd "sooner live in hell".

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I'm asking that you won't refuse my last request."

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
"It's the cursed cold, and it's got right hold till I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet 'tain't being dead -- it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn't a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say:
"You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate those last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows -- O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May".
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared -- such a blaze you seldom see;
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn't like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; . . . then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: "Please close that door.
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and storm --
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee

by Robert W. Service

This is Toooo Weird for Words..  

Child Molester Beaten by Past Victim

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - A convicted child molester was beaten unconscious by one of his past victims while they shared a jail holding cell, authorities said.

The former victim, a 22-year-old man being held on a probation violation, recognized Kevin Kinder as the man who abused him and three other boys when he was 11.

He jumped on Kinder, punched him repeatedly and knocked him unconscious Thursday, said the man's lawyer, Ricky Escobar.

I love Kiwis...  

No, not the hairy fruits...the people...they will use ANY excuse to get naked in public...that is so cool...in this case, they claim it is in protest...but we all know better...they just like getting naked...

"Watched by half a dozen parliamentary security guards and the media, 11 people took off their clothes and -- joined by one fully clothed woman -- lay down on Parliament's grounds to spell out the words "No GE".

One protester, who only wanted to be known as John, from Auckland, said "silly stunts" like this one were necessary because the Government was ignoring the views of 3.5 million people in New Zealand who did not want GE released into the environment. "

A World of Miracles...  

We live in a world of miracles...truly, we do....A man in Moscow accidentally saws his manhood into SIX pieces, and through modern technology, he now has a functioning pecker again. First of all...how in the WORLD could he accidentally saw it into SIX pieces??...One piece..ok..yeah, that was an accident...but 6?!?!...That's just crazy...anyway, without further mention..here is the article....

"Man accidentally saws penis into six pieces

A coffinmaker who accidentally sawed his penis into six pieces is one of a number of Russians treated in a special clinic.

Emergency Care for Men only treats injuries to the male genitals and has been nominated for an award.

The coffinmaker was rushed into hospital after his circular saw got caught up in his trousers. His penis is now fully functioning."

There is something VERY disturbing about a city that has a special clinic that does NOTHING except reattach broken peckers...I mean...those Russian women must be biting or slicing'em off right and left...so, Russia is up there with Kenya in the "danger to your pecker" department...so, stay away from there....

Back to the Gutter, sorry folks..  

What ever you do, don't go to This Site....Muahah....I never knew that people suturing each other was a turn-on...but then again, I suppose a fetish is a fetish..and it really doesn't matter WHAT it is that gets you revved up...DANG!

"Got a kinky question that needs answering but don't know who to ask? The unshockable 'Ask Bizarre' team are always here to help."

I know...I know...how can I go from Robert Service poetry to this?....I have no idea...

October 09, 2003

Robert Service Time....  

Ok...quit your whining and bitching....this one is small...I promise..it won't hurt a bit.....oops....*dangit...how many times have I used THAT line before*.....crap...

Anyway, sit down, and read this one...especially all you guys with wimmin problems...

My Husbands
My first I wed when just sixteen
And he was sixty-five.
He treated me like any queen
The years he was alive.
Oh I betrayed him on the sly,
Like any other bitch,
and how I longed for him to die
And leave me young and rich!

My second is a gigolo
I took when I was old;
That he deceives me well I know,
And hungers for my gold.
When I adore each silken hair
That crowns his handsome head,
I'm everlastingly aware
He wishes I were dead.

How I would love my vieux if he
Today were by my side;
My gig would have been daft for me
When I was first a bride.
But for his mother I can pass,
Although I am his wife;
Like father was my first - alas!
The irony of life.

Robert W. Service

A Little Background to my Previous Post  

..yes Wells broke his leg by jumping out the window...I think, by the way he first looked out the window, he thought he could make it.... Many of us had "spider dropped" out of windows at Marine Combat Training, or at the School of Infantry during MOUT training before.....but he didn't "spider drop"...he just JUMPED...and landed on asphalt...anyway, he was the kind of guy who would do really WEIRD stuff...not meaning to harm himself or others...he was just WEIRD..I would like to add, though, that he was very good at his job, and followed orders extremely well...it was just that sometimes he was totally weird.....now, a lot of people with the MOS that we had, were pretty damn strange...I think that to be in the Intelligence Community at all, you had to be pretty strange....especially by "normal" people standards.......the first night I arrived on base, I was sitting on my rack in my new room, when my "roommate" arrived...Bob...anyway, I said hello to him, and he walked right on by....sat on HIS rack....produced a bottle of tequila from underneath it, took three big gulps...put it back...and fell asleep on his bed without uttering a word...needless to say, there was a little bit of stress in our jobs...later, we became good friends...but, at that time, the base was working 12 on and 12 off shifts, and they were taking their toll on everyone...later, the base changed to 2,2,2,80 shifts...which were even worse...

On a positive note, my time up there introduced me to some of my greatest friends...it was my first duty station, and I'd only been in the Corps for about 8 months when I arrived.....for those of you who have been to a Marine Corps Ball, I was in the "Cake Cutting Ceremony" three years in a row...for being the "Youngest Marine at the Ball"....anyway...I spent my first Nov 10th as a Marine in Pensacola, FL at Cryptologist School...my second on a moss covered rock in the middle of the Bering Sea, and my third on an old RAF base in Scotland...all of the guys that I ever met and worked with...be they Royal Navy Cryptos....Royal Marine Comms guys from 45 Commando....USA, USAF, USN, or USMC Intel guys....every single one of them..down to the very LAST one...was absolutely insane on one level or another...crisp salutes, perfectly pressed cammies, expert riflemen, cunning linguists, etc....good at their jobs? hell yeah....proud of their service? most definitely...liable to do something incredibly stupid out of pure boredom...more than likely...

..but that doesn't mean I'm not going to post about more stupid shit that Wells did....

Weird Things I've Seen...Wells, Part 1  

I saw the Skippy list over at Argghhh!!! the other day, and that got me thinking....I've been told "not to do stuff" by my fearless leaders a few times...and one time in particular that I remember, was being told "Do NOT Jump out of WINDOWS"....I immediately thought..."Okey Dokey"...funny thing is, I never actually had thought of jumping out of a window until they said that....anyway...on to the story..and Wells, you crazyman, if you ever read this, get in touch - we've got beer to drink....

A Tale of Wells - Part 1 - The Leg-Breaking Incident
...LCpl Wells was my roommate.....he was from Nebraska....he was really, REALLY weird.....he kept his rack made so tight that you could bounce a quarter on it...how'd he do this?...he slept UNDER his bed in a sleeping bag....the whole time I knew him....which was roughly 2 years...he read a lot of comic books....sometimes he was scary....he's also the main reason that I have never been to Nebraska....

The weather outside was frightful...raining sideways...the temperature was around 50 degrees, and it was windy as hell...welcome to the Northern Pacific, baby...anyway, normally when we PT'd, we'd do it individually in the gym...but once a week, we had a group 3-mile run - just to make up for not getting much cardio training during our individual weightlifting sessions....well, this day, the weather is BAD....and we all form up outside the barracks...but Wells is missing.....since I'm his roomie, Sgt. Barber says..."Straight White Guy, where in the HELL is Wells?"...my answer was, "I have no Earthly idea, Sgt. Barber, he was in the room when I saw him last."..."Well, get up there and get his ass down here, we're all waiting on HIM, and it's COLDER than HELL out here!"..."Aye Aye", I said...and I bolted through the door, and up the two flights of stairs.

As I rushed into my room, I saw Wells....he was putting on his shoes. He was wearing his running shoes, nylon running shorts, a tee-shirt, and a black toboggan....everyone else standing in formation outside, was dressed in sweat pants, sweat shirt, gloves, and toboggans......but this didn't shock me...Wells always ran like that...regardless of the weather....so, I yelled at him..."Hurry up, Wells!! We're all freezing to DEATH down there waiting for you!"....he said, looking up from his shoelaces, "I'll be right down!"....so, I ran back outside and got in formation....

well, we waited...and waited....and he didn't show up....Sgt. Barber was going nuts....finally, we see Wells through the windows...he is walking towards the Stairwell to come down....now Sgt. Barber was really pissed....when he saw that Wells was WALKING...and he knew that he was 1.- Late for formation...and 2.- Making the rest of us freeze our asses off....so, Sgt. Barber lets out an enormous roar of anger....and Wells....who is 2 stories up, and behind double-insulated windows, heard that roar of anger...he stopped cold in his tracks and looked out the window at all of us blue Marines - who just happened to be looking back up at him....he opened the Window, and called down to Sgt. Barber..."Hello, Sgt. Barber, did you say something?"...Sgt. Barber said, "Where are you going, LCpl Wells?" Barber growled, barely keeping his calm......"Outside to PT with you guys..." was the reply.....

Barber had had enough....and he says to Wells...."Get your butt down here NOW!!!!"....Wells...leans out the window and says, "now?".....The Sgt. says "RIGHT fucking NOW!! GODAMMIT!!!"....and LCpl Wells simply said, "aye aye, Sgt. Barber"...and jumped out the window right into the middle of the formation...

Needless to say, no one got to run that day....which was fine with us...did I mention it was cold?...anyway, we all had to help haul Wells to the hospital....he had broken his leg....that night, the barracks was cleared out, and Sgt. Barber gathered us all in the gym....and the command was given...He actually said to us...."NEVER jump out of WINDOWS"...

I'm a bit worried that Wells is a serial killer somewhere in Nebraska now.....more on Wells dancing in his cast on top of the cabin at a later date....

Homosexuals Get DISNEY DAY!!  

First of all...anytime ANY group of people want to have ANY thing all to themselves, I get suspiscious..regardless, Disneyland has a "Gay Day"....ok......but...the coolest thing about this article is that it tells you about Disneyland being a no-fly zone...wow...that's just WEIRD....sorry...strayed off topic again...I wonder when "Straight Day" is at Disneyland...

"(Disney is) the only commercial enterprise other than the Valdez terminal for the Alaska Oil Pipeline that has a no-fly zone," explained Brian Fahling, lead trial attorney for the American Family Association Law Center. Fahling represents Sandy Skolnick, who wants to tow a banner reading "Hope for homosexuals; Jesus Christ" over Disneyland during "Gay Day."

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